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We’re often told that relationships are about “compromise” and “two people becoming one.”

So you might think that to make a relationship work, you need to relinquish your identity as an individual and take on the identity of one member of a couple.

The problem?

When you sacrifice yourself or your identity for a relationship, you end up losing yourself. You may not notice it as first. But eventually, you’ll realize that you don’t make as much time for the things you love, you don’t spend as much time with the other people you care about, and you don’t chase your own dreams as passionately as you used to.

Losing yourself or changing who you are to “fit” a relationship may not bother you initially. But over time, it’ll leave you feeling drained, unfulfilled, and even resentful. It’ll also limit your capacity to truly give and receive love—the very thing you’ve sacrificed yourself for.

That’s...

Think about someone you really love—maybe it’s your partner, your mom, or your best friend. Take a moment to truly feel the love that you have for them—that deep “I’d do anything for you” kind of love.

Does your loved one have flaws? Of course!

Do they make mistakes? Yes, just like everyone else.

And do they drive you crazy sometimes? Heck, yeah!

But you still love them, right?

So here’s what you might be wondering: “Why can’t I love myself in that same way?”

If you feel silly or ridiculous asking yourself this question, don’t. Lots of people wonder why they don’t love themselves the way they love other people in their life. In fact, it’s a question my clients grapple with all the time.

That’s why I want to tackle it in this fourth and final post in my “Why can’t I” blog post series. Specifically, I want to dig deep and uncover the barriers that stand in your way of truly loving...

Whether you’re going on a blind date, attending a job interview, or expanding your social circle, there’s one piece of advice you’ll probably hear over and over again:

“Just be yourself.”

It sounds simple enough, right? After all, you are yourself. So how hard can it possibly be to just be yourself?

The truth is that it can be incredibly hard. It’s something that I see clients struggle with all the time. And it’s something that used to be very difficult for me too.

You see, I grew up in a culture where the needs of a family or community were more important than any one person’s individual needs. As a result, I grew up thinking that I needed to constantly mold myself to be the person I thought I was supposed to be or that other people wanted me to be—instead of being the person I truly was inside.

Being one person when you’re by yourself and another person when you’re with other people isn’t just exhausting. It...

Over the many years that I’ve been a therapist, I’ve worked with clients who have all sorts of goals. But there’s one goal that’s been more common than any other: having a loving relationship.

This doesn’t surprise me.

After all, as humans, we’re social beings. And we’re wired to connect and bond with other people. So it makes perfect sense that many of us want to have someone that we can share our lives with.

But whether you’re currently searching for love or navigating life with a partner, you know that finding a loving relationship isn’t necessarily easy.

This isn’t for the reason you might think, though.

You see, many of my clients believe that finding love is hard because you have to track down the one person on Earth who’s your perfect fit. And then, you have to hope that the stars align to make your relationship successful.

In reality, though, these aren’t the reasons why love is hard to find. After all,...

We all have something we want in life. For example, you might be looking for a loving relationship that makes you feel safe and valued.

Alternatively, maybe you’d like to wake up each day feeling happier or more fulfilled.

Or perhaps you want to feel more confident about standing up for yourself with members of your extended family.

Whatever it is, you might be crystal clear on WHAT it is that you want. And you might even have some ideas about HOW to make it happen.

But despite this, you’re having a hard time actually achieving your goal or fulfilling your desire. And in some cases, you might even struggle to take the first step.

And for that reason, you might be wondering, “Why can’t I…?”

I know what it’s like because it’s a question I used to ask myself all the time after my marriage ended years ago. I would often think, “Why can’t I just feel happy?”, “Why can’t I find a partner who’s right for...

In my last post—Post #3 in my Taking Care of Me series—I told you how to amplify your motivation to go after your goals and dreams.

As I’m sure you’ve realized, though, you don’t pursue your goals and dreams in a vacuum. Instead, you do it in the context of everything else that’s going on in your life—your career, your social life, and (perhaps most importantly) your relationship with your partner.

After all, if you decide that you want to quit your job and go back to school so you can change careers, you’ll need to talk to your partner about how this decision will affect your family’s finances.

Similarly, if you decide that you want to take up Pilates and attend a class by yourself two nights a week, you’ll need to have a conversation with your partner about blocking off that time in your schedule.

In other words, you’ll need to tell your partner what your needs are and put boundaries in place to protect your time,...

Whether you’ve written it down in a journal, shared it on social media, or just kept it close to your heart, I know that there’s something in life that you want to achieve or create.

For example, maybe you want to start dating again after taking time away from relationships to heal after a difficult breakup.

Or maybe you want to finally start your own business after spending years working for other people and helping them achieve their dreams (but not your own).

Getting closer to living the life you want does wonders for you. After all, when you’re living a life that aligns with your goals and desires, you’re more likely to wake up in the morning feeling happy, excited, and fulfilled. And when you’re radiating these positive emotions, it doesn’t just make YOUR life awesome. It also spills over into your relationship and allows you to be a more loving, open, and present with others you love.

But even if you know what you want, how do you get closer...

No matter who you are and where you live, this is a challenging time. We’re all dealing with a lot of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. And unfortunately, that can often be the perfect recipe for bringing up negative emotions.

After all, if you don’t know what the future has in store for you, you might feel anxious or stressed. And if you’re constantly stressed, it’s easy to get triggered by people or events and end up feeling irritated, angry, or sad. This doesn’t just make it hard to feel happy day-to-day and satisfied with your life. It can also compromise your relationships by making you more irritable and more reactive when interacting with your partner—even if your negative emotions have nothing to do with them.

I know this all too well because it’s something I experienced when my marriage ended and I spent months wallowing in sadness, self-pity, and shame. My emotions definitely affected me and how I felt about myself. But they...

The holidays have been over for only about a month or so. But even if you had time to relax and gear up for the new year, you might not be feeling like your best self right now.

This makes sense. After all, you might be feeling the effects of Earth changes and the energies of the full moon. And on top of all that, there’s still a global pandemic to deal with!

So just like what I hear from my clients, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that you’ve been feeling less than stellar these days. For example, you might be…

• extra stressed because you’re going crazy while working from home and trying to supervise remote learning for your kids at the same time
• feeling burned out from always worrying about everyone else’s needs and putting your own on the backburner
• less motivated to chase your dreams because the pandemic has affected your life in big ways and you don’t know when your luck is going to turn around
• especially emotional because...

Has anyone ever told you to “just be yourself?” Have you ever really questioned what that really means? What does that look and feel like?

 The reason this may feel foreign to you is like many of us, we grew up with an inflicted idea of how our life should be and how it should turn out. From a young age we were told what the requirements are for the perfect life, such as going to school, getting an education, finding a full-time job, making money, find a significant other, get married, have kids and a perfect family. 

 Because we know no other, in order to achieve what we feel will bring us fulfillment, joy and happiness we do whatever it takes to try to achieve this false dream. We put everyone’s needs before our own, we keep ourselves exhausted, busy and stressed. We try to “keep up with the joneses” by working harder to gain more tangible items, see our family less and at the end of the day we’re too tired to invest in the...