Welcome to Vera’s Blog!

New Year, Here I Come... As the end of the year approaches, it’s natural to start thinking about what’s next. But let’s be honest—how many times have you set big goals for the new year only to feel stuck, frustrated, or like you’re spinning your wheels a few months in?

If you’re anything like the countless people I’ve worked with, you’re probably tired of feeling like you’re on a hamster wheel—repeating the same patterns in your relationships, career, health, or even your self-worth.

It’s exhausting. It’s demoralizing. And sometimes, it feels impossible to change.

I’ve been there too…

I remember sitting at my kitchen table one cold December evening a few years ago, staring at a blank journal page. The same journal I’d optimistically bought the previous January, thinking, This is the year everything changes.

And yet, there I was again—same frustrations, same goals I hadn’t...

Have you ever noticed yourself holding back in a relationship—saying what feels safe or going along with things even when it doesn’t feel true?

For so many, authenticity sounds great in theory, but it’s hard to practice when fear of rejection or past experiences hold us back. Yet, without authenticity, the connections we build may feel shallow or unfulfilling. Plus, pretending to be someone else? Exhausting.

In this post, we’re going to explore the real meaning of authenticity, the cost of holding back, and why showing up fully as ourselves is essential for meaningful relationships. Along the way, I’ll share a bit of my own journey with authenticity—how I moved from people-pleasing to a deeper understanding of myself—and how you can do the same. And hey, don’t worry; no acting skills are required for this journey.

Together, let’s discover what it means to create relationships that truly fulfill.

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When I think of the ideal relationship—the kind of connection that feels like more than a partnership, something deeper, more fulfilling, and truly motivating—it isn’t just about finding someone to walk through life with. It’s about discovering a relationship that feels like home, that brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person every day. A connection that isn’t just supportive but inspiring, a relationship that makes you feel alive.

Now, imagine this: waking up each morning beside someone who, with every look, every touch, every word, seems to say, “I love you more every single day.” What would it be like to experience that, to feel that depth of love and connection as something real, something you can trust? Picture this person not as a dream, but as part of your everyday reality—someone who, just by being there, shifts your whole way of seeing the world.

Before these thoughts settle, let’s pause....

People often come to me with questions like: 

• “I’m killing it at work and crushing my goals, but why can’t I figure out relationships?” 
• “Is something wrong with me? Why can’t I get it right?” 
• “Why are my partner and I always clashing?” 
• “What’s wrong with my partner? Why won’t they even try?” 

Sound familiar? If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone. I get it. I’ve been there, and I’ll let you in on a little secret: I struggled too.

The Confession: I’ve Been Where You Are

Let me tell you something—I’ve been there. I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in that frustrating, painful space where nothing seems to work. People assume that because I’m a therapist, I must have it all figured out when it comes to relationships. But let me make a confession: that wasn’t always the case.

You see,...

As a relationship expert, I often get asked, “What’s the biggest red flag I should look out for?”

Most people expect the answer to be something clear-cut: inconsistent communication, avoidance of commitment, or toxic behavior patterns. But what if I told you that the biggest red flag is often something much more subtle and deeply rooted, something we’ve been trained to ignore?

The truth is, the biggest red flag in a relationship isn’t just about what your partner is or isn’t doing—it’s about what your own body is telling you.

(Want to know more about other common red flags? Check out 9 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore.)

Ignoring these subtle signals can create toxic relationship patterns that prevent you from experiencing authentic connection. Let’s explore how listening to your body can guide you toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

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Do you have an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style? If you do, how does your attachment style make you feel?

(If you’re not sure what kind of attachment style you have, you can learn more about the 4 main attachment styles right here.)

Your attachment style influences how you approach and navigate relationships, especially in terms of emotional bonding, intimacy, and conflict.

This means that it can shape the type of romantic partner, family member, friend, and parent you are to those you love.

So if you know that you have an insecure attachment style, you might think that you’re doomed to have unhealthy relationships and continuously struggle to feel safe, satisfied, and happy in them.

But do you know what, my dear?

Just because you developed an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style as a kid doesn’t mean that you have to have this attachment style forever.

Because there are steps that you can take to develop a more secure attachment...

If you’re a parent, I want you to take a quick trip down memory lane and answer this question for me:

Before you had kids, was there something that your parents did that you swore you would never do with your own kids?

For example, maybe you told yourself that you would never ignore your kids’ requests, let stress about your own problems take attention away from them, compare them to siblings or cousins, or discourage them from pursuing their interests.

But now that you’re a parent, you might be realizing that as much as you told yourself that you would never be the kind of parent or caregiver that your mom, dad, or grandmother was, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

Recently, I’ve chatted with you about attachment styles and how they affect your current close relationships, such as your romantic and non-romantic relationships with other adults.

But what if you’re the parent of a kid or adolescent? How does your attachment style influence...

How much do you think that your early relationship with your primary caregiver (e.g., your mom, dad, grandparent, or foster or adoptive parent) matters today?

If you’re like many people, you might think, “not much” or even “not at all,” especially if this person isn’t a regular part of your life right now.

But if you read my last post on attachment and attachment styles, you discovered that the way that we approach and navigate relationships in our life, even as adults, is heavily shaped by the early relationship that we had with our primary caregiver.

Specifically, if we developed what’s called a secure attachment to our caregiver, then we may trust others easier, form healthy relationships readily, and be resilient in the face of relationship conflict.

However, if we instead developed an insecure attachment to our caregiver, we may be anxious and clingy with our partners, shy away from close relationships, or both crave and intensely fear...

Have you noticed that you tend to do the same thing over and over again in different relationships?

For example, maybe you get jealous easily in relationships.

Perhaps you cling to partners and loved ones almost to the point of driving them away.

Or maybe no matter how awesome someone seems, you never want to get close to them.

In my last post on inner child work and relationships, I talked about the benefits of identifying patterns in your relationships and how they may be linked to your childhood.

One specific link that’s especially helpful to explore is the one between your current relationship habits and patterns and the first relationship you were ever part of: the one you had with your primary caregiver.

Why is this first relationship so important—even if you don’t have any contact with this person now?

Because according to psychological theory, the first relationship that we form with our primary caregiver influences the relationships that we form later on...

Whether we’re experiencing some challenges in our relationships or generally feel fulfilled in them, most of us would love to enjoy them even more.

After all, if you find that most conversations with your mom end with you feeling frustrated or upset, you’d probably love for this to change.

And even if things are generally going well with your romantic partner, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind enjoying a bit more intimacy and connection in the relationship.

As I’ve mentioned recently, one of the key benefits of doing inner child work and healing your inner child is that it can help you build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.

But in thinking about whether inner child work is truly worth your time (which I know you can’t afford to waste), you might be wondering how exactly inner child work can benefit your relationship.

That’s why in this blog post, I’m going to pull back the curtain on 3 key ways that healing your inner...