RELATIONSHIP GUIDE: The Biggest Red Flag You’re Overlooking in Relationships: It's Not What You Think + FREE 5-Step Guide

As a relationship expert, I often get asked, “What’s the biggest red flag I should look out for?”

Most people expect the answer to be something clear-cut: inconsistent communication, avoidance of commitment, or toxic behavior patterns. But what if I told you that the biggest red flag is often something much more subtle and deeply rooted, something we’ve been trained to ignore?

The truth is, the biggest red flag in a relationship isn’t just about what your partner is or isn’t doing—it’s about what your own body is telling you.

(Want to know more about other common red flags? Check out 9 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore.)

Ignoring these subtle signals can create toxic relationship patterns that prevent you from experiencing authentic connection. Let’s explore how listening to your body can guide you toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

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The Body’s Wisdom: Learning to Listen

From a very young age, we all have a powerful tool within us that guides our decisions—our intuition. Babies are born with it. Think about how a baby cries when they’re hungry or turns away from a person whose energy they don’t like. These instincts are pure, unfiltered connections with their inner selves. They don’t overthink; they just know. Their ability to trust their bodies is intuitive.

But as we grow older, our connection to our intuition begins to fade.

We learn to override it with cultural norms, societal programming, and the expectations of those around us—our family, our friends, even the world at large. We start to rationalize instead of listening to the subtle signals of our bodies. This disconnect is what leads many of us into recurring relationship patterns that don’t serve our true selves.

(If you're questioning whether your relationship is right for you, discover the 8 signs that may indicate it isn’t.)

How Trauma and Childhood Experiences Block Our Inner Voice

Trauma—whether big or small—plays a huge role in shaping how we respond to our intuition. When we experience emotional wounds—whether through neglect, criticism, or unmet needs—we start to suppress our natural instincts. Often, this suppression comes from a place of survival. We learn to adapt to our environments by tuning out what our bodies are telling us, especially when those feelings conflict with the behavior patterns we learned growing up.

For example, as a child, you might have been taught that being “nice” was more important than expressing discomfort. So, when your body feels uneasy around someone or something, you push that feeling down. You’ve been conditioned to rationalize it away: “They’re just having a bad day,” or “I’m probably overreacting.” But in reality, your body is sending you important signals—signals you’ve likely been ignoring for years.

Over time, these experiences teach us to distrust our instincts. We begin to believe that our body’s signals are unreliable, or worse, unimportant.

In relationships, this can show up when we stay with partners who aren’t right for us. We sense that something is off, but we push the feeling aside because our programming tells us that leaving would be “too dramatic” or “unreasonable.” We’re often told to be patient, to give people a chance, to stay for the sake of stability. But true stability doesn’t come from ignoring our bodies—it comes from honoring what they’re trying to tell us.

By understanding how trauma distorts our ability to listen to our inner voice, we can begin to reconnect with the signals our bodies are sending and break free from unhealthy relationship patterns.

As we break through these subconscious patterns, we also open ourselves to creating the love and connection we truly seek in our closest relationships.

(Curious about how trauma impacts the body? Learn more in How We Unknowingly Store Trauma in Our Mind and Body.)

Intuition vs. Instinct: The Key Differences

It’s important to differentiate between intuition and instinct, as they both play vital roles in how we navigate relationships, but they operate in distinct ways.

Instinct is our biological, primal response designed for survival. Think of it like a built-in alarm system—our body’s automatic reaction to perceived threats or opportunities. For example, just like animals sense danger and flee without thinking, humans can experience an instinctual "fight or flight" response when faced with confrontation or emotional discomfort. It’s quick, automatic, and often tied to immediate survival needs.

However, instinct can be affected by past trauma and conditioning.

If you’ve been hurt in relationships before, your instincts might be "overactive," urging you to withdraw or attack at the slightest hint of conflict. This is a protective response that stems from fear and past pain, not from your deeper sense of knowing.

On the other side, when our instincts are off, we tend to overlook obvious cues from a person who isn’t right for us, rationalizing their behavior or dismissing the discomfort we feel.

This is why so many people stay in unhealthy relationships. Intuition may whisper, “Something’s wrong here,” but if our instincts have been dulled by past trauma, we don’t take authentic action. Instead, we stay, rationalizing away the discomfort because it feels familiar. This is a common relationship pattern I’ve seen time and time again in my own life and in the lives of my clients.

Intuition, on the other hand, is quieter but wiser. It’s often described as a deep inner knowing that goes beyond logic. Unlike instinct, intuition isn’t about immediate survival—it’s about long-term alignment with your true self. It’s the subtle voice that guides you toward or away from people and situations that are (or aren’t) in your best interest.

While instinct might be reactive, intuition is reflective. It feels like a nudge from your higher self, whispering, “This feels right” or “Something’s off here,” even if you can’t fully explain why.

Yet, in many relationships, we instinctively react when triggered—lashing out, attacking, or running away—trying to find safety and protect ourselves from being hurt. But we rarely ask ourselves whether these instincts are true or simply clouded by deep childhood programming or past trauma.

Research in psychology suggests that intuition operates at a more subconscious level. It's a form of rapid, unconscious processing that draws on past experiences and emotional memories to provide you with insights without needing detailed reasoning. Of course, there’s a lot more to intuition than what we can cover in this blog, but for now, we’ll leave it at that and focus on one key point—how easily we can miss or dismiss these intuitive signals.

Because intuition is subtle, it’s easy to rationalize away—especially if you’re used to overriding it with logic or fear-based instincts.

The key difference here is that intuition is not about urgency or quick action—it often requires us to slow down, reflect, and trust our inner knowing. The challenge is learning to discern between instinct and intuition, especially when past experiences have clouded our ability to trust ourselves.

You may wonder, "How do I know if it’s a red flag or not?" Let’s look at some common examples.

Imagine you’ve been dating someone for a few months, and they seem great on paper—kind, attentive, and successful. But there’s a subtle discomfort you feel when they dismiss your feelings or avoid deeper conversations. You try to rationalize it away: “They’re probably just busy,” or “It’s not a big deal, everyone gets tired.”

This could be your body telling you that something is off. Ignoring these intuitive signals might lead you to stay in a relationship where your emotional needs are not met.

Another example might be a friend or partner who frequently crosses boundaries, but you feel uncomfortable speaking up because you’ve been conditioned to avoid conflict. Your body tenses or feels uneasy around them, but you rationalize it by thinking, “I don’t want to make a fuss.” In these moments, intuition is speaking to you, asking you to honor what feels true.

These are examples of red flags your body is trying to show you—those subtle but persistent feelings that, when ignored, can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and disconnection.

So, the million-dollar question is:

My Story: Ignoring My Own Red Flags

There were countless times in my life when my intuition was screaming at me, but I chose to listen to the rationalized voices in my head—voices shaped by my programming, by what I thought I should do.

One of the most profound moments was my own marriage. As the wedding day approached, my body was in turmoil. I felt restless, anxious, and deeply unsettled. My intuition was telling me something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Instead of listening to those feelings, I went to therapy hoping for clarity. Yet, even then, I wasn’t able to fully acknowledge what my body already knew.

I didn’t have the tools to trust my intuition fully, because my instincts had been silenced by years of conditioning. I went through with the marriage, ignoring the deep, gut-level feeling that it wasn’t right. And the consequences were profound.

(Discover why people violate your boundaries HERE.)

Cultivating the Connection: Trusting Your Body’s Wisdom

The hardest part of all of this is that many of us aren’t even aware that we’ve become disconnected from our bodies. We’ve learned to trust what we can explain, what fits into neat boxes of logic and reason, but our bodies often communicate in a language that isn’t always rational.

You’ve likely experienced moments where you walked into a room and something just felt “off.” Maybe you couldn’t explain it, but your body knew. Perhaps you felt it in your stomach—an odd tightness or discomfort in your solar plexus, a signal that something was amiss. And yet, how many times have we ignored that feeling, only to later realize our body was warning us all along?

In relationships, learning how to trust your body’s signals and honor your intuition can prevent you from falling into repetitive patterns that create conflict or distance. It’s a vital part of transforming your relationship dynamics and building deeper, more authentic connections.

(Curious why we argue with those we love? Find out more about relationship conflict here.)

Reconnecting with Your Body’s Wisdom

So, how do we reconnect with this essential part of ourselves?

First, we must start by acknowledging that our bodies are always speaking to us.

The discomfort you feel in your gut when someone says something hurtful or the tingling sensation of excitement when you meet someone new—these are all signals from your intuition. Your body knows when something is aligned with your true self, and when it isn’t.

But reconnecting takes practice. It involves slowing down and learning to trust those small, subtle cues.

The next time you feel that nagging sense that something isn’t right, pause. Take a moment to breathe deeply, and ask yourself: What is my body trying to tell me right now? And most importantly, resist the urge to rationalize it away.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into this process, I’ve created a free 5-step guide to help you reconnect with your body’s wisdom. It’s designed to walk you through identifying those subtle cues and learning how to trust your intuition in relationships.

And start listening to your body’s signals today. 🌿

The Takeaway: Trust Yourself

The biggest red flag in any relationship isn’t just what the other person does or doesn’t do—it’s your own body’s response. Learning to tune in, to honor the signals your body is sending, will ultimately guide you toward relationships that serve your highest self.

But there’s more to building a healthy relationship than just listening to your body. Often, our past conditioning and patterns of behavior run so deep that they sabotage the love and connection we truly desire. It’s one thing to feel that something is off, but it’s another to understand why we continue to fall into the same unhealthy relationship patterns, even when we know better.

That’s where From Conflict to Ultimate Love online course comes in. While this course won’t fully teach you how to listen to your intuition, it’s a great start. It helps you begin to uncover the deeply ingrained patterns and beliefs that are keeping you stuck in conflict and preventing you from building the fulfilling and authentic relationships you deserve. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a family member, or even a close friend, the course provides a foundation for recognizing and overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors.

This course is an important first step toward becoming more aligned with your authentic self and realizing that you can create the connection and love you desire—regardless of the conflicts or challenges in the relationships around you.

If you’re ready to break free from these patterns and transform your relationships, join From Conflict to Ultimate Love today.

Enroll Now and take the first step toward creating the fulfilling and lasting love you’ve always sought.

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Still not sure where to start?

That’s why I created this free 5-step guide—to help you reconnect with your body’s wisdom and start recognizing the subtle signals your body gives you in relationships, so you can make more empowered, intuitive decisions.

👉 [Download the guide: Reconnect with Your Body’s Wisdom] and take the first step toward tuning into your intuition and building healthier, more authentic connections.

Have you ever ignored your intuition in a relationship or noticed recurring patterns that don’t serve you? What happened?

Share your experience in the comments below—I’d love to hear how tuning in (or not) has affected your relationships!

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