Welcome to Vera’s Blog!

If you’re looking to reconnect with your partner or deepen the emotional intimacy, this blog post is for you.

My clients are usually surprised to learn that the secret to boosting intimacy in their relationship isn’t just going on a romantic vacation or spicing things up in the bedroom. It’s spending time with their partner and truly getting to know them.

But if you’ve read my posts before, you probably aren’t as surprised. Because as I’ve shared time and time again on my blog, the very definition of emotional intimacy in a relationship is to truly be seen by your partner and to truly see them in return. So you might already know that if you want to deepen your connection and enjoy more intimacy in your relationship, it’s important for you and your partner to share who you truly are.

But you might not know how to actually do this. After all, getting to know your partner on a deep level isn’t as simple as asking them what their favorite...

I’m often wondering if there is anyone on this planet that doesn’t want or long for a deeper connection with their loved ones?! I simply think that we are wired for connection whether we are fully aware of it or not.

Recently, in my other blogs, I’ve explained why emotional closeness is important if you want to have a deep, loving relationship with your partner. And I’ve revealed some of the key ingredients for having a strong emotional connection in your relationship.

But what if your relationship lacks emotional closeness right now?

Or what if you and your partner are somewhat close but not as connected as you want to be or know you could be?

Well, I’ve got good news for you.

There are steps you can take to deepen your emotional connection with your partner and feel more bonded to them—even if you didn’t develop a secure attachment style as a child (if you read my post from December 1st, you’ll know what I’m talking about).

And...

In my last couple of posts, I shared with you why emotional connection matters so much in relationships. And I explained how your attachment style shapes your ability to form close emotional bonds with romantic partners and loved ones.

However, it isn’t that secure attachment itself leads to more emotional closeness. In other words, just having a secure attachment style doesn’t guarantee more emotional closeness in your relationships.

Instead, it’s that having a secure attachment style allows you to do something that’s absolutely critical for becoming deeply emotionally connected to someone you love: being vulnerable.

These days, I see the word “vulnerability” get thrown around a lot in blog posts, magazines, and TV shows. And I bet you do too. So even though you might be very familiar with the term, you might not know what vulnerability actually is.

That’s why in this blog post, I’m going to clarify what it really means to...

In my last post on why being close is more important than sex, I talked about why we crave a deep emotional connection with our partner.

Like a lot of my clients, you might long for a deeper and more intimate bond with your partner. But you might have a hard time actually cultivating it in your relationship. And you might not know why.

If you’ve ever reflected on your desire for closeness and emotional connection, you might have realized that it isn’t just missing from your current relationship. You’ve struggled to create it in your past relationships too.

For example, maybe you’ve realized that you always end up in relationships where you seem to be more emotionally invested in the relationship than your partner is. Or perhaps you crave connection but any time that a relationship has gotten serious, you’ve panicked and pulled away.

If you notice that you keep running into the same problems with different partners and in different relationships, you...

Why do we usually call rom coms and romance novels “guilty pleasures”? Because even if we enjoy them, we tend to think that they’re silly or ridiculous—that they don’t show us what “real life” or a “real relationship” is like. After all, these movies and novels often feature couples taking long walks on the beach, gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes, and texting love notes to one another all day long.

The honeymoon phase of a relationship may look something like that, we think. But in our eyes, a mature, long-term relationship just isn’t like that. A “real” relationship isn’t a passionate whirlwind of being deeply in love with your partner and feeling like you can’t bear to be separated from them. It’s more like being business partners with someone you hopefully like and have sex with from time to time, right?

You know what, though? That’s not really right.

Yes, it’s true...

As I’ve shared in my recent posts, intimacy is one of the most important ingredients in a successful relationship.

But having worked with hundreds of couples over the years, I can tell you that intimacy isn’t just a challenge in new relationships. It’s also something that even established couples struggle to maintain and rebuild.

Many people think that the only couples who end up in therapy are the ones who fight all the time, cheat on each other, or stick together for the wrong reasons.

However, many of the couples I work with care about each other, are committed to the relationship, and aren’t on the brink of divorce. So why do they come to me? Because somewhere along the way in their journey as partners, they’ve lost the deep, emotional connection they once shared with each other.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean that your relationship is in trouble. And it’s not a sign that you need to be in therapy. It just...

The early stages of a new relationship are exciting. You might spend every chance you can get with your new partner, plan fun date nights together, and talk or text almost constantly.

But sooner or later, questions start to pop into your head.

For example, you recognize that you and your partner always have a good time together. But you wonder whether your relationship has what it takes to go the distance.

In particular, you notice that you’re spending a lot of time thinking…

• “Is there enough intimacy in our relationship?”
• “Will we be able to form a strong emotional bond with each other?”
• “Are we meant to be?”

If you’re in a newer relationship and these types of questions have been popping into your head lately, know that you’re not alone.

It’s completely normal to wonder whether the person you’ve been having fun with over the last few weeks or months is truly the right partner for you. In fact, I would even...

Many of my clients first come to me for therapy because in some way or another, they want more intimacy in their relationship.

Why were they struggling to form a deep, intimate connection with their partner in the first place?

In most cases, it wasn’t because they weren’t committed to the relationship.

It wasn’t because they weren’t with the right partner.

And it wasn’t because they had demanding schedules with virtually no free time. (That’s most of us these days, isn’t it?)

Instead, it was because they held myths about intimacy—myths that led them to focus on the wrong priorities when trying to establish or build a deeper bond with their partner.

In other words, they were unknowingly getting on the train to Paris when they really wanted to go to Madrid.

During my years as a couples therapist, I’ve seen 5 common intimacy myths pop up over and over again and keep otherwise solid relationships from becoming deeply satisfying...

What do you think of when you hear the word “intimacy”?

Do you think of sex?

Exchanging a passionate kiss?

Cuddling in front of a fireplace on a cold winter day?

It’s true that some forms of intimacy are physical. And physical intimacy is an important part of romantic relationships.

However, there’s another kind of intimacy that’s just as important: emotional intimacy.

You might not be able to clearly see emotional intimacy between couples in the obvious way that you can see physical intimacy.

But having worked with hundreds of couples over the years, I can tell you that emotional intimacy is a defining characteristic of a healthy relationship.

Why?

Because sex, hugs, and cuddles are great. And they can feel really, really good.

But it’s when you truly feel seen by someone and truly see them in return that you enjoy a fulfilling relationship—one that’s full of passion, joy, and satisfaction.

That’s why this month, I’ll be...