Intimacy in Relationships: My Top 4 Tips for Building a Deeper Connection with Your Partner + FREE Love Coupons

I’m often wondering if there is anyone on this planet that doesn’t want or long for a deeper connection with their loved ones?! I simply think that we are wired for connection whether we are fully aware of it or not.

Recently, in my other blogs, I’ve explained why emotional closeness is important if you want to have a deep, loving relationship with your partner. And I’ve revealed some of the key ingredients for having a strong emotional connection in your relationship.

But what if your relationship lacks emotional closeness right now?

Or what if you and your partner are somewhat close but not as connected as you want to be or know you could be?

Well, I’ve got good news for you.

There are steps you can take to deepen your emotional connection with your partner and feel more bonded to them—even if you didn’t develop a secure attachment style as a child (if you read my post from December 1st, you’ll know what I’m talking about).

And in this blog post, I’m going to share some of the best ones with you.

These are the top tips I share with my clients who are looking to develop a stronger, more loving connection with their partner. So you won’t want to miss them!

Here we go!

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1.  Talk on a regular basis

I know, I know. This sounds almost ridiculously simple and obvious. But I’m sharing it because the reality is that the vast majority of couples don’t spend very much time actually talking to each other.

The key here is that when I refer to “talking,” I’m not describing what you do when you and your partner briefly chat about who’s going to vacuum the house, what to do about the clogged drain in your home, and the list of errands you need to tackle on the weekend. Instead, I’m referring to conversations where you and your partner take turns sharing your thoughts and feelings about your lives and your relationship.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you might know that emotional intimacy involves truly being seen by someone and truly seeing them in return. In other words, when you have an emotionally close relationship with someone, they know what your needs, desires, goals, passions, dreams, and values are, and you know what theirs are.

How do you and your partner get to know each other on this deep level? By being vulnerable with each other. It’s by showing up in your relationship as you are and sharing the deepest and most personal parts of yourself that you can get to know one another at your core. When you and your partner truly know each other on a deep level, it fosters emotional connection by establishing trust and making it more likely that your needs will be met in the relationship.

Of course, if you and your partner truly want to get to know each other, you need to do more than just be vulnerable and share yourself with your partner. You also need to actively listen when they open up about who they are.

Actively listening to your partner means giving them your undivided attention so that you can truly hear what they have to say. While they speak, you focus only on what they’re saying, not on how you feel or what you want to say in response. When you actively listen to your partner, you’re more likely to hear and understand what they’re saying (and even what they’re not explicitly saying but trying to communicate to you anyway).

Why is this important?

Because when you and your partner truly know each other, you’re better able to anticipate and respond to each other’s needs. For example, let’s say that you get anxious about driving in bad weather. If your partner knows this and sees that there’s going to be a bad storm during your drive to work tomorrow, they’ll understand why you’re on edge in the morning. And they’ll even have the chance to do something supportive, like make you a cup of coffee in the morning or help you load up your car before you leave for the day.

Lastly, when you and your partner talk regularly and know each other intimately, it’s easier to understand where the other person is coming from during a disagreement or conflict. If you’re familiar with your partner’s values, how they think, and what upsets them, it’s easiest to attribute their opinion or position during an argument to these factors instead of to the idea that they “don’t love you” or “don’t care enough about the relationship.” This makes it much easier to successfully communicate about and manage conflicts between the two of you.

2.  Spend quality time together

A lot of the couples I see in my office spend a lot of time in each other’s presence. But it’s more that they’re living alongside one another instead of really spending quality time together as a couple.

When you have a demanding job, kids, aging parents, or other responsibilities, it’s easy to get caught up with your daily to-do lists and put your relationship on the backburner. But the problem is that your relationship needs REGULAR attention and care to thrive—just like a garden does.

Carving out quality time to spend together is important for giving you and your partner a chance to have those deep, meaningful conversations I was just talking about. After all, it’s hard to open up to your partner about what’s bothering you at work when you’re trying to cook dinner, watch your kids, and do laundry all at the same time.

Of course, spending quality time together isn’t just a way to create time to open up and talk to each other. It also gives the two of you a chance to show that you care about the relationship and see it as a priority. We all know that if something truly matters to us—like watching the latest episode of our favorite TV show or grabbing a coffee on our way to work—we’ll make time for it. So if you truly care about your partner, it’s important to carve out time to spend just with them.

One fun way to spend more time with your partner is to create a “connection ritual” that you do on a regular basis. This could mean going out for dessert every Friday night, cuddling on the couch together after the kids go to bed, or cooking dinner together. It doesn’t matter what your connection ritual is as long as it’s something you enjoy and allows you and your partner to spend quality time together. 

Just be sure that when the two of you spend time together, you’re not just going somewhere or doing something out of habit and using the time to hash out the latest drama in your family or what your kid did at school this week. The time you spend together should be about the two of you and your relationship. And you should spend it in ways that allow you to truly deepen your connection.

3.  Practice gratitude or give compliments frequently

If you’ve been with your partner for some time—whether it’s months, years, or decades—it’s easy to assume that your partner knows that you care about them. This may be true. And it’s completely normal if you’re past the honeymoon phase of your relationship and no longer feel compelled to gush about how much you love your partner every waking second.

But this doesn’t mean that there’s no point in reminding your partner about what they mean to you on a regular basis. Just think about how it feels when a colleague compliments you on your work or a family member tells you how much they loved the chicken you made for a family get-together. You might have already known that your work was great or that your chicken is delicious. But I’m sure it felt good to hear it from someone else too, right?

The same thing is true in your relationship. Your partner might know that you care about them. But it’ll make them feel even happier, more loved, and more satisfied in the relationship if you remind them about it on a regular basis. This is why it’s so powerful to get into the habit of complimenting your partner or expressing gratitude toward them on a regular basis. For example, instead of just assuming that your partner knows that you like their food, tell them how much you love the salad they made for lunch. Or let them know how much you appreciate the way that they take your car out for a wash and gas refill whenever it needs it.

You can boost the impact of your words by expressing not just what you’re thankful for but why. Specifically, when telling your partner what you appreciate about them, explain why this matters to you. For example, if your partners fills up the gas in your car and takes it for a wash, you might express something like this: “Thanks so much for always taking my car for gas and a wash. It really helps me out by taking something off my plate and giving me a bit more downtime at home.” When you explain why your partner’s gesture is important, it allows them to understand how their actions positively benefit your life (and that you notice it!).

4.  Tackle conflict head on

A lot of people think that conflict is a red flag in a relationship. So they try to avoid it by staying quiet about things in the relationship that are bothering them. However, the reality is that avoiding conflict only ends up harming your relationship sooner or lately. This is because when you ignore conflict, it doesn’t go away. Instead, it simmers and builds until you or your partner (or both) explode.

On the other hand, when you deal with conflict head on and manage it effectively, you actually have the opportunity to deepen your connection with your partner. By compassionately and respectfully sharing your perspective and understanding where your partner is coming from, you’re able to learn more about each other, express empathy, show concern for one another, and work together to find a way forward. Conflict may not feel good in the moment. But having difficult conversations with your partner and working through challenges together deepens the emotional connection between you.

Consistent effort is key

Being emotionally close to your partner is essential for feeling loved and satisfied in your relationship. But most people don’t know what they actually need to do to effectively deepen their connection with their partner.

As you can see, building emotional intimacy with your partner isn’t about planning an annual extravagant date or jetting off on a romantic vacation once a year. Instead, it’s about putting consistent effort into your relationship in simple but meaningful ways. It’s about prioritizing your relationship, showing your partner that you care about them, and making an effort to truly get to know the person you love.

In other words, it’s not a massive budget or natural chemistry that sets the stage for emotional intimacy. It’s showing up in your relationship and giving it the time and energy it deserves that truly makes the difference.

Now, I know that it’s easy for me to just tell you to make more time for your partner and your relationship in your life. But it’s another thing to actually find that time in your calendar.

That’s why I’ve created something that can help (and add some fun to your week too): the Love Coupons.

My FREE Love Coupons let you and your partner create and exchange coupons for simple romantic activities that you’d like to do together. They’ll help you spend more quality time as a couple so that you can deepen your emotional connection.

And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and courses.  

Until next time!

Vera

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