Emotional Intimacy: How to Reignite the Intimacy in Your Relationship + FREE 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy Blueprint
As I’ve shared in my recent posts, intimacy is one of the most important ingredients in a successful relationship.
But having worked with hundreds of couples over the years, I can tell you that intimacy isn’t just a challenge in new relationships. It’s also something that even established couples struggle to maintain and rebuild.
Many people think that the only couples who end up in therapy are the ones who fight all the time, cheat on each other, or stick together for the wrong reasons.
However, many of the couples I work with care about each other, are committed to the relationship, and aren’t on the brink of divorce. So why do they come to me? Because somewhere along the way in their journey as partners, they’ve lost the deep, emotional connection they once shared with each other.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean that your relationship is in trouble. And it’s not a sign that you need to be in therapy. It just means that your emotional connection with your partner might not be as intimate as you want it to be. And I can assure you that this feeling is VERY common.
You see, everyday life places a ton of pressure on us. We have jobs to work, kids to take care of, homes to maintain, doctor’s appointments to attend, dry cleaning to pick up, and the list goes on. When you’re running from one responsibility to the next all day long, it’s easy for your relationship to get put on the back burner. Investing time in your relationship doesn’t seem as pressing as the presentation you have to finish for work or the cupcakes you have to bake for your kid’s birthday party. And before you know it, days, weeks, or even months have gone by and you haven’t had a chance to really connect with your partner.
The reality, though, is that you can’t build or maintain intimacy in a relationship without regularly investing in and prioritizing your connection with your partner—no matter how long you’ve been together.
How can you deepen your bond with your partner to experience more joy and purpose in your relationship?
That’s exactly what I’m going to dive into in this post!
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Keep reading below to learn MY TOP 7 TIPS FOR REIGNITING THE INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
- Embrace Who You Are
It may seem odd to focus on yourself when you want to increase the intimacy in your relationship. But it makes a lot of sense when you consider what intimacy actually is.
If you read my recent post on how to tell if your relationship has enough intimacy, you know that intimacy is about truly being seen by your partner and truly seeing them in return.
As I always remind my clients, your partner can’t read your mind—no matter how long you’ve been together for. So to truly be seen by your partner, you can’t leave it to them to just figure out who you are. Instead, you need to open your heart and share the deepest parts of your true self with them.
When you share the deepest parts of yourself, you aren’t just telling your partner what your favorite food is or what you bought the last time you shopped online. You’re sharing your hopes, dreams, fears, regrets, and passions. In other words, you’re sharing what it is deep down that makes you the person you are at your core.
Of course, before you can share your authentic self with someone else, you need to know who you really are deep down. And you need to be able to embrace this person. After all, you can’t tell your partner what your deepest needs and desires are if you don’t know what they are in the first place. Similarly, you can’t share your biggest failures or regrets with your partner if you can’t acknowledge and embrace these parts of who you are.
So if you want to increase intimacy with your partner, start right at home by nurturing the relationship you have with yourself. Uncover and embrace all the different parts of who you are at your core so that you can share your truth with your partner.
If you need help discovering who you really are, grab a copy of the My Personal Compass worksheet. It’ll help you discover who you really are so that you can nurture your relationship with yourself while building a strong bond with your partner.
- Keep Opening Up Your Heart
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s easy to assume that your partner already knows everything there is to know about you. And so you might think that if you spent a lot of time opening up to your partner earlier in your relationship, you don’t need to do as much of it now.
But the truth is that you aren’t the same person you were last year or even last month. You’ve had experiences that have shaped your thoughts and feelings, altered your dreams, or changed your needs. So even if your partner knew who you were two months ago or two years ago, they might not know who you really are now—unless you tell them, that is.
So to increase intimacy in your relationship, make an effort to continuously open your heart to your partner. On a regular basis, share your feelings, talk about your dreams, and tell your partner what’s been keeping you up at night lately. And encourage your partner to do the same.
If you and your partner make a commitment to continuously discover each other, you’ll deepen the bond you have with each other and increase the intimacy in your relationship.
- Set Aside Time to Connect
In long-term relationships, it’s common to spend a lot of time living alongside your partner without actually spending much quality time with them. For example, it might seem like you spend a lot of time with your partner because you’re at home together in the mornings, in the evenings, and on weekends.
But if you’re focused on priorities other than your relationship for most of this time, you might not be getting much quality time together. After all, you’re only going to get so much time to talk about the stress you’re facing at work or the dreams you have to start a neighborhood book club while you’re both rushing to get the kids ready for school or cleaning up different parts of the house.
So if you’re looking to increase the intimacy in your relationship, set aside time to connect with your partner on a consistent basis. This way, you’ll have a chance to touch base with each other, talk about what’s on your mind, and share anything new that’s popped up recently.
When setting aside time to connect with your partner, don’t stress about having to carve hours out of your schedule at a time. Instead, focus on finding even just 15 minutes when you can both sit down and chat without the pressure of other commitments. Depending on your schedule and responsibilities, you might find it easiest to connect over morning coffee or chat on the couch after the kids have gone to bed.
And when you do sit down to connect, resist the urge to have yet another conversation about chores, your kids, or meal prep. Instead, focus on opening up about what really matters to each of you and what’s been going on in your life.
- Go On a Date
Your relationship is never too old for date nights. So if you find that there are too many distractions at home when you and your partner sit down to connect, try scheduling regular date nights. It doesn’t really matter what you do or where you go. But aim to plan activities that allow you to open up and talk to one another.
Making time for date night communicates to your partner that you value your relationship and their commitment to it no matter how crazy your lives might feel otherwise. It also gives you the chance to catch up and talk even if it feels like you have a never-ending list of responsibilities to deal with during the rest of the week.
- Try Something New Together
Making time to connect with your partner doesn’t have to mean sitting down for a meal at a restaurant or unwinding with a glass of wine at a bar. You can also enhance the intimacy in your relationship by giving you and your partner a chance to connect while trying something new together. For example, take a cooking class together, try out a new yoga class, or explore a part of town you’ve never been to before.
When you and your partner try something new together, it gives you a shared experience to bond over and use as a foundation for creating memories. It’s also a great way to learn more about one another because you’re able to share how you each experienced the same activity in a different way. Plus, when you’ve been going through the same routine day in and day out and gravitating toward the same leisure activities over and over again, trying something new is fun and exciting.
- Support Your Partner
As I’ve mentioned, intimacy develops and lasts when both you and your partner make an effort to connect with each other on a regular basis. One way that you can do this is by supporting your partner.
You can support your partner when they’re going through a rough time and need a shoulder to lean on. But you can also support your partner on an everyday basis by validating their needs, desires, and interests.
For example, if you know that your partner finds it helpful to bounce ideas off you when they’re preparing for an important meeting, make time to help them.
Similarly, if your partner loves basketball, you might consider learning enough about the sport that you can watch a game with them every now and then. You don’t have to sign up for season’s tickets or become your local NBA team’s #1 fan. But by supporting an interest they have, you acknowledge something that’s important to them and create an opportunity to witness the passion they have for it.
Make Intimacy a Priority
Because of how hectic life can be, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner. That’s why you might constantly tell yourself that you’ll set aside time for you and your partner once the laundry gets folded, the kids finish their homework, the house has been cleaned, and the pets are fed. (And of course, no matter how efficient you are with your time, you never make it to the end of that list!)
But the reality is that intimacy develops in a relationship when you continuously nurture the bond you have with your partner. So if you’re craving a deeper connection with the one you love, get intentional about prioritizing your relationship. In particular, regularly share the deepest parts of yourself with one another. And make an effort to connect on a consistent basis no matter how long you’ve been together and how well you think you know each other.
Of course, the tips I’ve outlined above aren’t the only effective ways to enhance intimacy in your relationship. If you’re looking for even more ways to deepen connection with your new partner, check out the FREE blueprint I’ve created called 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy.
It’ll help you build simple acts of intimacy into your everyday life so that you can create a deeper emotional connection with your partner.
And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and master classes.
See you again soon!
Vera
P.S. How do successful couples make their relationship so satisfying year after year? They’re skilled at turning toward each other. Watch my video on how to turn toward your partner and why doing it on a regular basis deepens your connection. Check it out here.
P.P.S. You think you might need some one-on-one relationship help? Claim your FREE 30-minute Relationship Rescue Coaching Session RIGHT NOW. Spots are limited and the sooner you act, the more likely you are to get a session.
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