Emotional Intimacy: How to Tell if YOUR Relationship Has It + FREE 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy Blueprint

What do you think of when you hear the word “intimacy”?

Do you think of sex?

Exchanging a passionate kiss?

Cuddling in front of a fireplace on a cold winter day?

It’s true that some forms of intimacy are physical. And physical intimacy is an important part of romantic relationships.

However, there’s another kind of intimacy that’s just as important: emotional intimacy.

You might not be able to clearly see emotional intimacy between couples in the obvious way that you can see physical intimacy.

But having worked with hundreds of couples over the years, I can tell you that emotional intimacy is a defining characteristic of a healthy relationship.

Why?

Because sex, hugs, and cuddles are great. And they can feel really, really good.

But it’s when you truly feel seen by someone and truly see them in return that you enjoy a fulfilling relationship—one that’s full of passion, joy, and satisfaction.

That’s why this month, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite tips and tools on how to enhance intimacy in your relationship intentionally.

Let’s get started by breaking down the basics of emotional intimacy and how to tell if YOUR relationship has it.

What is Emotional Intimacy?

In a nutshell, when a relationship has high emotional intimacy, it means that both members of the couple feel a sense of closeness with each other. In other words, you and your partner deeply understand each other, trust each other, and feel comfortable sharing the most vulnerable parts of yourself with one another.

I know that’s a bit abstract.

So let’s dive a bit deeper into understanding what emotional intimacy is by breaking down the telltale signs of it.

Here’s how to tell if your relationship has high emotional intimacy:

You Share Your Feelings

Emotional intimacy isn’t just about talking to your partner a lot. After all, you can spend all day communicating with your partner about house chores, errands, and your kids’ extracurricular activities without actually sharing anything that has emotional substance.

Instead, emotional intimacy comes from sharing your heart and expressing what you’re feeling in it. For example, when you have an emotionally intimate relationship with your partner, you tell your partner when you’re thrilled about a promotion, worried about a health issue, or angry about a fight you had with your friend. And your partner does the same.

You might think that you and your partner have too much going on in your lives to talk about your feelings all the time. But it’s by sharing your feelings consciously that you build a stronger bond with each other. Because not only do you know what your partner does all day long, but you understand how they’re feeling too. That’s why sharing your feelings with each other is a sign that you and your partner have high emotional intimacy.

You Trust Each Other

I don’t have to tell you that trust is an important element in any relationship. I’m sure you’ve heard this more times than you can count!

But do you know why trust is so essential?

If you’re like many of my clients, you might think trust is important because it helps you feel reassured that your partner isn’t going to cheat on you or leave the relationship.

However, trust is also critical in a relationship because it allows you and your partner to know that you can open up to each other about anything.

When you fully trust your partner and they trust you, you both know that no topic is off limits in your conversations. You can share your deepest secrets, the dreams you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone else about, and the fears you hold within your heart.

These are topics that you might be reluctant to disclose to anyone else because you don’t want them to reject you or do something with the information that would harm you. But when you’re talking just with your partner, you know that you can trust them to keep you and the information that reveals the deepest parts of you safe.

You Fully Understand and Accept Each Other

I mentioned earlier that emotional intimacy is about truly being seen by your partner and truly seeing them in return. That’s why another key sign of emotional intimacy is being able to fully understand and accept each other.

When you and your partner trust each other enough to share your feelings and disclose the most vulnerable aspects of yourselves, you’re able to get to know each other at a deep level.

For example, you have the chance to understand that even though your partner always seems really put together on the surface, they struggle with anxiety. Or maybe your partner discovers that you still have deep emotional wounds from a previous relationship.

So, to put it simply, when you and your partner are emotionally close, you know who the other person really is deep down inside.

But that’s not all.

In addition to truly knowing your partner and understanding what makes them who they are, you accept this person unconditionally. So even as you discover things about your partner that are unflattering, embarrassing, or even tragic, you continue to care about them in the same loving way that you did when you only knew about the good stuff. And your partner does the same to you.

You Are Your Authentic Selves Around Each Other

If you and your partner fully love and accept each other, you’re each able to be your authentic selves around one another. That’s why being able to be who you truly are when you’re around your partner is another sign that your relationship is high in emotional intimacy.

“Authenticity” is a word that people throw around a lot these days. But when you’re truly being authentic or living authentically, you’re living in a way that’s in alignment with your deepest desires, needs, and goals.

For example, if you’ve always wanted to be a writer, living authentically might mean leaving your corporate career to write novels. If you’ve been considering doing this, you might be worried about what your friends and family will think. But if you can be your authentic self around your partner, you’ll feel comfortable exploring the parts of you that align with who you truly are—even if they don’t fit the expectations that other people have for you.

Similarly, maybe your partner is known for being a very masculine guy who’s into football and wrestling. But he secretly loves doing yoga too. If he can be his authentic self around you, he won’t feel silly about doing an online yoga video in front of you or asking you to join him at a local class—even if he would never want his friends to see him settling into downward dog.

You Can Safely Speak Up

If there’s something about your relationship that’s been bothering you, talking to your partner about it might not be your idea of a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But if you and your partner have an emotionally intimate relationship, you’ll feel comfortable and safe about speaking up.

For instance, let’s say that you’ve been missing your partner lately because they’ve been working long hours and you haven’t been able to spend much time together.

If you have an emotionally close relationship with your partner, you’ll be able to tell them how you feel without worrying that they’ll accuse you of being needy or threaten to leave the relationship.

You’ll also feel confident that when you speak up about how you feel, your partner will understand where you’re coming from and be motivated to work collaboratively to find a solution that works for both of you. In other words, you’ll be able to trust in the fact that by speaking up and talking about your relationship, you’ll develop an even stronger bond with your partner.

You Can Rely On Each Other

One last sign of emotional intimacy that I’ll mention today is that you and your partner are able to rely on each other. That is, you’re able to lean on each other for love and support when life gets tough.

When you and your partner are in a long-term relationship, it’s inevitable that each of you will experience a major life event sooner or later. For example, you might lose a loved one, develop a major health condition, struggle financially, or experience conflict with a close friend or family member.

If you and your partner have an emotionally close relationship, you’ll be able to be there for each other during these tough times by being available to listen and providing emotional support. But more importantly, you’ll know that your partner will do this for you without having to wait for them to actually do it. In other words, you’ll know that your partner will be there to love and support you even before they discover what’s going on in your life.

Emotional Intimacy is The Glue in Your Relationship

Emotional intimacy often doesn’t get as much attention as physical intimacy does. But it’s essential to building a strong bond with your partner because it’s the glue that holds the two of you together.

When you and your partner have an emotionally intimate relationship, you’re able to confide in each other, feel fully understood and accepted, be your true selves, and support one another.

Emotional intimacy isn’t something that just develops in a relationship without both partners making a conscious effort to build it.

But you also don’t need to go on monthly weekend getaways with your partner or spend hours talking every night to build a strong emotional connection. Most of us don’t have time for that, right?

Instead, emotional intimacy often develops from the small things that you and your partner do for each other—as long as you do them consistently and intentionally.

To help you get intentional about emotional intimacy so that you can develop a deeper connection with your partner, I’ve developed a FREE blueprint called 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy.

It’ll help you incorporate simple acts of intimacy into your everyday life so that you can build a stronger, more fulfilling bond with your soulmate.

And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and master classes.

See you again soon!

~Vera

P.S. What’s the common denominator among couples who succeed in building emotional intimacy and staying together? They turn toward each other. Watch the video I made on how to turn toward your partner to develop a deeper connection with them.

P.P.S. Is your relationship on the rocks? Are you worried that your relationship may not last much longer? Have you been thinking about ending the relationship yourself or are you worried that your partner is going to end the relationship sometime soon?

If so, my heart goes out to you. We’ve all been in these kinds of situations at some point in our lives and they are never easy. In fact, relationships are often our greatest source of happiness and can be our greatest source of despair.

Therefore, for a limited time I’ve decided to offer a special one-on-one Relationship Rescue Coaching Session. To claim your FREE 30-minute “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” click HERE, follow the prompts, find the time that works for you, answer some questions and I’ll be there to assist you.

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