Taking Care of ME: Building My Love Quotient + FREE Self-Love Weekly Planner

The holidays have been over for only about a month or so. But even if you had time to relax and gear up for the new year, you might not be feeling like your best self right now.

This makes sense. After all, you might be feeling the effects of Earth changes and the energies of the full moon. And on top of all that, there’s still a global pandemic to deal with!

So just like what I hear from my clients, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that you’ve been feeling less than stellar these days. For example, you might be…

• extra stressed because you’re going crazy while working from home and trying to supervise remote learning for your kids at the same time
• feeling burned out from always worrying about everyone else’s needs and putting your own on the backburner
• less motivated to chase your dreams because the pandemic has affected your life in big ways and you don’t know when your luck is going to turn around
• especially emotional because painful experiences and feelings from your past have resurfaced.

When there are so many things going on in your life and in the world at once, it’s easy to get off balance and experience the effects of lower energies physically, mentally, and emotionally.

That’s why this month, I’m delivering a 4-part series called “Taking care of ME.”

I know that it’s hard to make your personal wellness a priority. It’s something that I used to struggle with. And it’s something that many of my clients find challenging too.

That’s why in this series, I’ll be sharing 4 key ways that you can take care of yourself so that you can feel happier, more motivated, more fulfilled, and more in control of your life and relationships.

Sound good? Awesome!

Let’s kick off this series by talking about how to build your love quotient and why it matters.

What is Your Love Quotient?

You probably spend a big chunk of your time loving and building relationships with other people, such as your kids, partner, family members, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. But as you pour all of your energy into these people and relationships, there’s someone you might be forgetting about—YOU!

Why is this a problem? Because it’s hard to get the things you want in life—such as a loving partner, a career you enjoy, or a meaningful life—if you don’t nurture and prioritize the most important person in your life: you.

I don’t doubt that you love your family and friends more than anything. But the truth is that no matter who you are, the most important relationship that you will EVER have in your life is the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re looking to experience more love, joy, or purpose in your life, it’s essential to understand and boost how you feel about yourself. In other words, it’s important to understand and build your love quotient—your ability to feel, embrace and express love toward yourself (and others).

How exactly do you do this?

Keep reading below to learn how to assess and boost your love quotient so you can take care of yourself by nurturing the relationship in your life that matters the most.

How Much Do You Really Love Yourself?

Understanding and building your love quotient starts with understanding and building your capacity for self-love.

Now, you might think, “Of course I love myself! It’s not like I walk around telling everyone how terrible I am, right?”

But the truth is that many of us struggle to truly love ourselves. This is something that I struggled with a lot earlier in my life before I understood just how much I was sacrificing my well-being for the sake of other people. And it’s something that I see many of my clients struggle with too.

Struggling to love yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re depressed or have low self-esteem. In fact, like many people, you might struggle with self-love because it’s something that you’re generally not used to practicing or expressing.

You see, like a lot of us, you were probably taught about loving other people from a very young age. It’s something you might have learned from parents, teachers, books, and TV shows. But you probably didn’t learn anywhere near as much about loving yourself.

So what is self-love? Self-love is a state of appreciation for ourselves that grows from our actions and supports our physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s about making mindful choices every day to respect yourself, nurture yourself, and care for yourself.

Because we don’t learn about self-love as kids or even as adults, many of us don’t understand self-love or know how to practice it.

I mean, just think about how you would react if a friend came to you and was feeling really upset because she had made a mistake at work and gotten into trouble for it.

Now think about how you would respond to her. You’d probably comfort her, listen to her, and empathize with her, right? In other words, you’d show her love and compassion.

But now think about a time when YOU made a mistake at work or in another domain of your life. And think about how you responded to yourself. Were you loving and compassionate toward yourself the way you would be toward a friend? Or did you beat yourself up and think that you’re a failure that nobody would want as an employee?

I’m going to guess that you were critical of yourself because most people are. That’s because most of us are pretty used to loving other people, but we don’t have much experience with loving ourselves and practicing self-love.

That’s a shame because practicing self-love is incredibly important. It may not seem like it, but self-love is the gateway to many of the things that we want in life, such as strong relationships with other people, a fulfilling career, good health, and a meaningful life. After all, it’s only by loving and prioritizing ourselves and our well-being that we’re able to take steps toward building the life that we want for ourselves.

For example, if you love yourself, you’re going to be more likely to carve time out of your schedule to date and find a loving relationship even when you have kids, an aging parent, and friends who need you too. Similarly, if you love yourself, you’re going to be more motivated to prepare nutritious meals or work out regularly so that you can stay healthy—even if you have a hectic schedule.

It’s not surprising, then, that research shows that people who practice self-love are…

• happier
• better able to manage stress
• less likely to develop depression and anxiety
• more satisfied with their lives
• more resilient
• able to overcome difficult life events more easily
• more likely to enjoy stronger relationships
• less likely to procrastinate
• more likely to be compassionate toward others

So now that you know WHY self-love is so important, here’s my question for you: How much do you truly love yourself?

To help you answer this, take some time to think through these questions:

• Do you express the same love and care toward yourself that you express toward other people in your life?
• Do you regularly set aside time, energy, or money for yourself?
• Do you ever treat yourself to a nice meal or a new outfit for no reason?
• When you make a mistake, experience a setback, or fail at something, do you talk to yourself the same way that you would talk to a close friend or family member if the same thing happened to them?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. Remember—many people struggle with self-love. But it does mean that you have room to grow when it comes to expanding your capacity for self-love and building your love quotient.

Before we dive into how to build your love quotient, though, let’s talk about why your current capacity for self-love is what it is right now.

Understanding Where Your Current Love Quotient Comes From

In most cases, your current love quotient comes from your past experiences and what they did (or didn’t) teach you about self-love. So to understand where your love quotient comes from, reflect on the following:

• Your parents or primary caregiver
• Role models you had (e.g., teachers, coaches, and even celebrities)
• Friends
• Peers at school or work

When you reflect on these people, ask yourself what you observed them do. Did they express love toward themselves or were they routinely self-critical? Did they set aside time for themselves or did they always place other people’s needs first? Did they put boundaries in place that allowed them to protect and maintain their well-being or did they always say “yes” even if it wasn’t what they wanted?

If, like me and my clients, you were surrounded by people who struggled to express compassion toward themselves, had trouble saying “no,” or even believed that other people’s needs were more important than their own, you may have learned that self-love is wrong, unimportant, or even selfish.

The reality, though, is that self-love is the exact opposite of being selfish. Because if you make sure that you have the loving relationship, the good health, or the meaningful life that matters to you, you’ll be in a much better position to be a loving and generous parent, partner, colleague, community member, and world citizen.

So let’s talk about how to cultivate self-love and build your love quotient.

Boosting Self-Love and Building Your Love Quotient

Prioritizing self-love and building your love quotient is very important if you want to enjoy the life you want and relationships you have or want to create (and deserve!). But it can also be pretty tough.

After all, you’ve probably been conditioned to people please and put other people’s needs ahead of your own. So it might feel awkward or uncomfortable to shift your focus to yourself and prioritize what YOU need. And that’s totally okay.

All that matters is that you take steps (even if they’re baby steps at first) toward nurturing the relationship you have with yourself. Here’s how to do this:

• Put your joy and pleasure first

Example: Instead of agreeing to participate in yet another parents’ association event at your kids’ school, spend the time going for a hike or taking a yoga class.

• Start each day by telling yourself something positive about yourself

Example: Remind yourself about how well you handled a challenging situation at work yesterday. Or remind yourself how beautiful you are, how compassionate you were today, how productive you were.

• Check in with yourself throughout the day and prioritize your needs

Example: You might have originally planned to spend the evening running errands after work. But if you notice that you’re starting to feel under the weather, you might decide that even though you’d like to get the errands done, you’re more in need of rest. So you decide to postpone the errands and go home, make a cup of tea, and rest while reading a book in bed.

…It’s totally OK to take care of YOU!

• Take care of yourself the way you’d take care of your kid, partner, close family member, or friend

Example: Carve out time in your schedule to do something that makes you feel good, such as doing your hair or getting your nails done.

• Be gentle with yourself

Example: If you’re overwhelmed because you’re working from home while supervising remote learning for your kids, be gentle with yourself and the expectations you have for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for being less productive at work. Remind yourself that you’re amazing and awesome for essentially doing TWO jobs at once!

• Make time for self-care without feeling guilty

Example: Spend time taking a bath or meditating even if the dishes still need to be done and the floor still needs to be vacuumed.

• Spend time with yourself so you can get to know YOU

Eat a meal just with yourself—with no TV or social media to distract you. Use the time to savor your food, reflect on your day, and think about the dreams you plan to chase tomorrow.

Build Your Love Quotient to Invest in YOU

When you have a family to take care of, a job to work, and a home that needs to be maintained, it’s easy to lose sight of the most important person in your life—YOU!

But the reality is that by prioritizing self-love and building your love quotient, you can boost your ability to be the loving parent, the productive employee, and the generous neighbor you want to be. And at the same time, you can make sure that you’re doing what you need to do to bring more love, joy, and meaning to YOUR life, not just everyone else’s.

As I’ve said above, prioritizing yourself and increasing your capacity for self-love is so important for being the person you want to be and living the life you want. But it isn’t always easy to do—especially when you have a mile-long to-do list to tackle every day.

That’s why I’ve created a FREE self-love weekly planner for you. It’ll help you easily incorporate simple self-love practices into your daily life—even if you have a hectic daily schedule.

And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and master classes.

See you again soon!

Vera

P.S. And don’t forget to SPREAD the love! Please share this article with all the amazing women in your life ❤

P.P.S. If you want more tips on how to step into the power of love, compassion, and gratitude during times of uncertainty and stress, check out this video: My 3 Most Powerful Secrets to Thriving During COVID-19 + Gratitude Meditation

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