SELF-CARE: 5 Signs That You’re Overly Responsible (and It’s Limiting Your Life) + FREE Break Through Overresponsibility Worksheet

When I was a kid, I was taught that it’s a good thing to be responsible. (And I’m betting you were too!)

Being responsible, I was told, means that you’re caring and dependable. So right from childhood, I learned that it was my job to be a responsible person.

That’s why whenever my parents were upset about a choice I made, I took responsibility for it.

When they felt angry because I chose to spend a Saturday afternoon with a friend instead of with them, I promised to make it up to them.

When they felt abandoned because I didn’t visit them as often as they wanted me to when I was in university, I apologized profusely.

And when they thought I was ignoring their needs because I was thinking of taking an incredible job offer in another city, I actually turned the offer down and moved home to live near them.

Why did I keep responding like this to my parents (and to other people in my life)?

I thought it was what a responsible person is supposed to do.

What I didn’t understand back then, though, was that there’s a line between healthy responsibility and being overly responsible (just like there is between healthy giving and overgiving).

You see, being responsible is healthy when it involves taking ownership of things that actually are your responsibility. In other words, it’s healthy to take responsibility for your actions, your feelings, your thoughts, your needs, your desires, and your goals.

But many of us take on responsibilities that don’t belong to us. For example, we might take responsibility for how someone else feels, what they’re going through, and whether their needs are being met.

Taking on these kinds of responsibilities might seem caring or generous on the surface. But as I’ll be sharing in my next few posts, being overly responsible can limit both your happiness and that of the people you love.

So if you’re wondering whether you might be overly responsible (and compromising your happiness and relationships as a result), stick with me.

Because in this blog post, I’m going to share 5 signs that you’re overly responsible.

Let’s get to it!

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1. You’re Quick to Accept Blame and Feel Quilty

It’s normal and healthy to accept blame and feel guilty when you’ve done something wrong or harmed someone. For example, if you’re late to pick up your kids from daycare, it’s appropriate and considerate to take ownership of your tardiness and the impact that it had on the staff member who had to stay late to watch your kids.

But if you’re overly responsible, you might also be quick to accept blame and feel guilty for things that are completely out of your control. Let’s say, for instance, that your sister got fired by her boss because she was frequently missing work or leaving early to tend to her kids.

If you’re overly responsible, you might feel consumed by guilt when you hear the news because you think you should have offered to help your sister with childcare so she wouldn’t have needed to miss work so much. Even though your sister never asked for your help and you had no idea that she was struggling to balance her work and parental responsibilities, you still feel responsible for your sister getting fired.

2. You Constantly Feel Anxious About How Things Will Go

If you’re overly responsible, you might also constantly worry about how something will go or the experience that other people will have.

For example, if you’re hosting a family birthday party for your kid, it would be normal to feel a bit nervous about the event. You might really want everything to go smoothly so that there aren’t any big hiccups during the party. After all, you’d rather not deal with a situation where your catered food never shows up or the ice cream cake your kid begged for melts before your serve it.

However, if you’re overly responsible, you might feel consumed by anxiety for weeks leading up to the event. And instead of fretting just about possible logistical issues, you might be filled with worry that your family members won’t have a good time and think that you wasted their Sunday afternoon.

3. You Try to Please and Avoid Conflict

If you’re someone who people pleases or tries to avoid conflict at all costs, it’s a sign that you might be overly responsible.

People pleasers often believe that it’s their duty to keep loved ones happy. In other words, they tend to feel responsible for the feelings, needs, and desires of the people in their lives. That’s why people pleasers often go to great lengths to keep others happy and meet their needs even if it comes at a big personal expense.

For example, if you’re a people pleaser, you might keep dog sitting for your neighbor even if you hate doing it because you don’t want her to be stressed about finding a sitter.

So if you know that you’re a people pleaser or think you might be one, there’s a good chance that you’re overly responsible too.

4. Other People’s Emotions Affect Your Own

It’s normal to empathize and respond appropriately emotionally if someone you care about is having a tough day or going through a challenging time. For example, if your partner comes home upset after a bad day at work, it’s healthy and considerate to be sensitive to their emotional state, show concern for their feelings, and consider what’s appropriate to share in the moment and what can wait for another time.

But when you’re overly responsible, you might adopt other people’s emotions as your own or be heavily affected by them. For example, even if you were in a great mood before your partner came home, all of the joy you were feeling might vanish once you hear about how your partner is feeling. Or if they’re feeling stressed because they have to figure out how to solve the big problem that unfolded at work, you might also feel very stressed—even if the issue doesn’t really affect you and you can’t help in any way.

When you feel responsible for other people’s feelings or for “fixing” their feelings, you can end up experiencing these feelings almost as though they’re your own.

5. You Feel Resentful

Feeling resentful is another sign that you might be overly responsible.

Why is resentfulness linked to being overly responsible?

Because when you’re overly responsible, you take on other people’s responsibilities. But you also have all of your own responsibilities to take care of too. This is usually way too much for any one person to take on—even if you’re the most productive and time-efficient person on the planet.

So what happens?

Well, you’ll probably feel exhausted all the time. And in an effort to reduce the load on your plate, you’ll probably deprioritize some of the responsibilities. But because you’re overly responsible, there’s a good chance that you’ll deprioritize your actual responsibilities and direct your time and energy toward the responsibilities you’ve taken on for other people.

This is why even though your weekday mornings feel like a hectic nightmare, you might keep driving your teen to school because they always wake up late in the morning. You could decide that it’s their responsibility to get themselves up on time and walk the reasonable distance to school. But because you think that it’s your responsibility to “fix” their mistakes and help them out when they’re in a bind, you keep driving them—even if it means leaving late for work every morning and starting your day full of stress as a result.

When you’re so busy taking care of other people’s responsibilities that you’re exhausted or don’t have enough time to focus on your own needs, you begin to feel resentful. This resentfulness can simmer for months or years while slowly eating away at your happiness and the health of your relationships.

Uncover Toxic Overresponsibility

Taking responsibility is a sign of maturity and self-awareness—but only when you take ownership of things that are under your control.

When you take on responsibilities that aren’t yours, you become overly responsible. And as I’ll break down in my next couple of blog posts, being overly responsible limits your happiness and relationships.

That’s why it’s so important to know the signs of overresponsibility.

Because when you’re able to recognize that you’re overly responsible, you’re able to understand the negative impact that it has on your life. And you’re able to take steps to change how you approach responsibilities that don’t belong to you.

In my upcoming blog posts, I’ll share specific steps that you can take to stop taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours.

In the meantime, though, I encourage you to grab a copy of my FREE Break Through Overresponsibility Worksheet. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

This FREE worksheet will help you recognize how responsible you actually are in a real situation in your life. And it’ll empower you to hand back responsibility to the people you’ve been covering for.

And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and courses.

Until next time!

Vera

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