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I’m not proud of it. But years and years ago, I spent a lot of time feeling incredibly frustrated with my partner, my family members, and even some of my friends.

Why?

Because as I shared in last week’s post on overgiving, I used to be the poster child for overgiving. And I was miserable as a result.

I spent decades suffering as an overgiver because I was completely unaware that my giving was unhealthy. In my mind, I was the generous, obedient person who always simply did what other people asked or expected me to do.

From my perspective, it was their fault that I felt so frustrated at times. They were the ones who were expecting me to give, give, and give all the time. And even though I constantly did things for them at the expense of my own well-being, they were the ones who never showed the least bit of appreciation for it.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that it was this very kind of thinking that kept me trapped on the overgiving train for such a long...

If you’re part of my community, you’ve probably figured out by now that I love talking about self-love and why it’s SO important for enjoying happy and healthy relationships and lives.

That’s why recently, I shared 6 key signs of burnout and how to recover from it. (Hint: self-love is KEY to burnout recovery.)

We often think of burnout as exhaustion that’s triggered by one big stressor or responsibility that eats up a lot of our time and energy.

But burnout can also develop when you direct your time and energy toward too many people or relationships all at once while leaving little time for yourself.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Vera, isn’t it good to do things for other people? Doesn’t it make you a generous person?”

Being generous is a beautiful thing. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

But there’s also a fine line between being a generous person and being an overgiver—someone who...

In my last post, I shared 6 signs that your stress or exhaustion is burnout and not just everyday fatigue.

When clients come to me showing these signs, my first step is to help them understand that they aren’t just tired, lazy, or unmotivated. Because as I mentioned in that last post, the signs of burnout can be very subtle. And as a result, many of my clients come to me because they feel “stressed,” “emotionally exhausted,” or “unfulfilled,” and they have no idea that what they’re really experiencing is burnout.

Recognizing that you’re experiencing burnout is very, very important. Because if you think that you’re just stressed, tired, or “in a funk,” you might try to make yourself feel better by doing things that help with everyday stress or general tiredness. And as you’ll learn below, these strategies won’t do the trick to help you recover from burnout. So if you aren’t sure whether the...

Sometimes people recognize the importance of self-love for the first time when they hit rock bottom.

If you’ve been part of my community for some time, you probably know that this is what happened to me.

Years and years ago, I was in the process of divorcing my ex-husband. But it wasn’t just the divorce that I was dealing with. My visa status was also up in the air, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep living in the US. I felt devastated, hopeless, and completely lost.

In my situation, there were tangible stressors—divorce and immigration issues—that I was dealing with. But the real reason why I felt so hopeless at the time was that I had lost myself in my marriage and hadn’t made the effort to prioritize my needs. In other words, I hadn’t taken the time to build and nurture a relationship with myself. And I learned this the really, really hard way by truly hitting rock bottom.

The truth, though, is that in many cases, the signs...

You’ve probably heard time and time again that all relationships—whether they’re between romantic partners, family members, friends, or colleagues—are about compromise.

But what you might not know is that compromising isn’t always a good thing.

Yes, compromise is definitely important. After all, who wants to be in any kind of relationship with someone who thinks that the world revolves around them and their needs?

But when compromise happens too much or in the wrong way, it can actually cause relationships to break down.

Why?

Because when you compromise too much or when you really don’t want to, you actually end up sacrificing what’s important to you for the sake of pleasing the other person or avoiding conflict in the relationship.

And it’s only a matter of time before you start to feel resentful, unfulfilled, drained, unappreciated, lonely, and even disconnected from the person you’re supposed to be in a relationship with.

Did...

When many of my clients first start working with me, there’s something they want out of life that they haven’t been able to achieve or experience.

Some clients are looking for a relationship that makes them feel safe, excited, and loved.

Other clients want to break free from a job or career that leaves them feeling drained every single day.

And there are also clients who just don’t feel happy or fulfilled when they wake up in the morning.

Even though every client is looking for something different, there’s something that unites them: they tend to think that they don’t have the life they want because they just aren’t trying hard enough.

And I don’t blame them.

Because a lot of blogs, self-help books, and social media influencers tell us that we can achieve anything that we want if we just work hard enough at it. And they tell us that if we’re not getting the results we want, it’s because we’re not trying hard enough....

Love comes in many forms. We all know that. But because of what we’ve been taught by pop culture, the retail industry, and even our own friends and family, we tend to believe that there’s an ultimate form of love: the love we share with a romantic partner. In other words, we’ve come to believe that our romantic partner is our one true love.

So if you’ve been struggling to find love with a romantic partner, you might be feeling pretty frustrated. You might be thinking, “Why can’t I ever experience that highest form of love? Why does everyone else seem to be in a great relationship except me?”

How do I know that these are the thoughts that have been running through your mind lately? Because I’ve been there.

You see, I used to think that I was the only woman on Earth who kept making stupid mistakes and falling for the “wrong” guy over and over again. I kept desperately asking myself things like…

“Why me?”

...

If you’re happily married or partnered up, you might be looking forward to Valentine’s Day as a chance to celebrate your relationship, eat some decadent chocolate, and enjoy a romantic evening with your love.

But if you’re single, widowed, divorced, or struggling to feel happy in your relationship, you might be dreading it. In fact, you might even be wishing that you could somehow find a time machine that would let you jump straight from February 13 to February 15.

If this is you, I want you to know that I TOTALLY get it.

Because when I got divorced many years ago, I was full of dread leading up to that first Valentine’s Day without my former husband. I was convinced that it was going to be a challenging day full of pain, loneliness, and endless tears.

So if this is how you’re expecting to feel this Valentine’s Day, I want you to know that I’ve been there.

I also want you to know that how you’re feeling is completely normal.

After all,...

Last week, I laid out a blueprint for how to finally stop people pleasing so you can put yourself first.

These tips are great for helping you make day-to-day decisions based on what YOU want (not what your partner, neighbor, or boss wants). In other words, they empower you to have an equal voice in your relationship, confidently decline a request to dog sit, and stand your ground so you can protect your personal time from work.

But you know what? The day-to-day decisions you make aren’t the only time when other people’s needs, desires, and expectations can drown out your own.

You see, if you’re like a lot of the clients I’ve worked with over the years, you might find that even the bigger life decisions that you make are influenced by the opinions and expectations of the people around you.

For example, maybe you went to med school or pursued a career as an accountant because your parents wanted you to.

Maybe you married the type of person your family wanted...

In my last few posts, I’ve told you all about why people pleasing holds you back from being happy, living a meaningful life, and building healthy relationships.

So here’s what you might be thinking, “Okay, Vera, I know that people pleasing is hurting me more than it’s helping me. But it’s not like I can just wake up one morning and decide that I’m going to stop being a people pleaser. It’s just not that easy!”

You know what? I get it. Really, I do.

When you’ve spent years or even decades being a people pleaser, the idea of saying “no” to your neighbor or telling your partner what you want to eat for dinner can feel terrifying. 

At the same time, though, putting an end to your people pleasing ways is essential if you want to start prioritizing the most important person in your life—YOU!

How on Earth do you do this?

Keep reading below to learn my 9 steps to finally stop people pleasing.

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